Where Did I Go?

It's inevitable, I'm sure, that one day every woman looks around and says, "Whoa! Where did I go?" It happened. Here. Today.

My brain finally acknowledged that my children learn much better from example than they do from my words, especially when my words seem insincere. What example were they getting today? This week? For the past month?

I know I cannot blame pure and total laziness, as I gave birth four months ago, and it's easy to get into the sitting on the couch and nursing mode, with the poor me attitude of "I can't get anything done!" Something crossed my mind while nursing today, however. I've been sitting on this couch for almost four months (OK, there are a few hours here and there that I get up, wash something (dishes, clothes, children), or play with my other children. And I do spend time reading to my children while nursing, they've gotten quite a bit of literary time in. Nevertheless, it dawned on me that I, too, had gotten a lot of reading done, and I still used the same excuse when it came to personal scripture study: I don't have the time.

What was I waiting for? A full hour of peaceful bliss where I could ponder and think and read by myself? Didn't I realize that if given that hour, I'd be out cold? What better time to read and think about the scriptures than while nursing my baby. While sitting WITH my children. Sure, I might not get to open and close my devotion with a prayer on my knees, I may not have two hands to write in the margins and highlight with, but I can read, and think, and tell my children what I'm learning as they play with dolls and/or legos on the floor.

Once I decided that time was no longer an issue, I pulled out my scriptures. Now, anyone who has a 2 year old knows that if you leave a book with tissue thin pages open on the couch while going to get a glass of water, that book will be history (no pun intended). So, I turned to my computerized version of the scriptures, and immediately fell in love with the click & highlight feature. I've already become very good at typing one handed (left or right! cha-ching!) due to nursing, so I was able to utilize that comments feature of the electronic scriptures as well. Nice.

So, I suppose this is step one of teaching by example. Now, I've just got to keep it up. Step two is becoming the example for my children. I realized that I'd become a bit whiny, and there's no secret to why. Before I had number 3, I was able to keep up on housework, go running daily, and somehow muster enough self control to NOT eat the entire batch of cookies. Lately, if there is laundry sitting in the dryer, I've done good...maybe going on a walk with the kids to the park (2 miles in 20 minutes? HA! Try .25 miles in 15 minutes...but this is a toddler's pace we're following.) Thing is, I used to run AND then walk to the park. The cookies? Well, it just dawned on me (literally, while writing this sentence) that I've MADE the time to make them...what could I have done with that time? Of course, my sweet husband helped, and once the dough was mixed, he baked...but I digress. We could have done something else. [Disclaimer here: we did reorganize both children's bedrooms today, having built a loft for one, and pulling all clothes out of the other's room.] We felt entitled to those cookies--today. But what about the other days? The days when laundry is waiting to be folded, beds to be made, children to be read to, and I decide to make sweets? My priorities are out of whack. I see this, no one need tell me. It has to be a mindset, and that means I have to set my mind. Reset it, if you will.

I have this vision of what kind of people I want my children to grow up to be. Good people, decent, kind to others, and able to take care of themselves--and do it well. Not just getting by, but knowing how to cook (from scratch, it IS worth it), clean up after themselves, and take care of their bodies and minds. Like I mentioned above, my children learn from example faster than they learn from my words, and I haven't been the example of what I envision them to be as adults. Really, I'm living the "Do as I say, not as I do" mantra, which I've never believed in.

So, with Sunday being the first day of my week, I'm going to strive to get back on track. Back into the groove of the example. The mother who is proud to say to her children, "Do as I do, and we'll do it together." Tomorrow evening, I'll return, and report.