2 Nephi 32

1 AND now, behold, my beloved brethren, I suppose that ye ponder somewhat in your hearts concerning that which ye should do after ye have entered in by the way. But, behold, why do ye ponder these things in your hearts?
2 Do ye not remember that I said unto you that after ye had received the Holy Ghost ye could speak with the tongue of angels? And now, how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost?
3 Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
4 Wherefore, now after I have spoken these words, if ye cannot understand them it will be because ye ask not, neither do ye knock; wherefore, ye are not brought into the light, but must perish in the dark.
5 For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.
6 Behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and there will be no more doctrine given until after he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh. And when he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh, the things which he shall say unto you shall ye observe to do.
7 And now I, Nephi, cannot say more; the Spirit stoppeth mine utterance, and I am left to mourn because of the unbelief, and the wickedness, and the ignorance, and the stiffneckedness of men; for they will not search knowledge, nor understand great knowledge, when it is given unto them in plainness, even as plain as word can be.
8 And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.
9 But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.
(Book of Mormon | 2 Nephi 32:1 - 9)

The scriptures speak volumes to me, perhaps this is why I put off reading them. It may sound silly, but do you ever feel like you're just tired of learning more because the more you study & pray, the more different the world feels (like you're just not a part of it as much?) and then you feel like an outsider, with nowhere to turn, not even church because then you feel like commenting, and people look at you funny, so you keep your mouth shut, and then you are miserable, and then...AARG! Therefore, my scripture reading goes in spurts. I do well until I feel like I'm learning too much, then I back off. Silly me. Maybe someday I'll push through and just learn all I should.

Now, as for these verses, I feel chastised. I've applied to enroll my children in a Montessori school. I've also looked into homeschooling, and did Kindergarten here at home this year with Zach. I keep going back and forth over if I'll actually send them to school. You know what? I have NOT prayed about it. I keep meaning to, and keep putting it off! I'm putting off knowing what to do to best raise my children! Their future is depending on their past, and I'm not seeking inspiration. What am I thinking?!?

I sit and I ponder things, but I don't bring them to God. I wonder what our family's future will be like, but I don't bring it to God. I say trite & trivial things like, "Thanks for a happy day, bless me to get some sleep." AND then I leave out the important stuff that I plague my mind with all day. I should be asking him what to do, putting it in his hands and then pressing forward without worry! So, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go unload on the Lord, take up HIS yoke, and make my burdens lighter.