2 Nephi 7

A short chapter, but a good one. It seemed like quite the rebuke, and I began to wonder, "Do I ever do this? Do I ever blame God for deserting me?"
YEA, for thus saith the Lord: Have I put thee away, or have I cast thee off forever? For thus saith the Lord: Where is the bill of your mother's divorcement? To whom have I put thee away, or to which of my creditors have I sold you? Yea, to whom have I sold you? Behold, for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mother put away.
2 Wherefore, when I came, there was no man; when I called, yea, there was none to answer.
(Book of Mormon | 2 Nephi 7:1 - 2)

I was reading another book the other day (I think I start too many of my sentences this way, I've got to come up with another way to say, "All I do is read."), and it was stating that we as mortals have such a limited view that we say things like "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away" when in reality, the Lord is always giving. We just don't see it. When bad things happen to us, we exclaim, "Why ME?!" instead of "What may come of this?"

I'm not saying I'm not guilty of it, I do it as well, but I took the challenge the (book/website...where was it?) gave to look back on things that seemed horrible at the time, and to try to see what good things have come from them. A few examples:

#1. I HATED the missionary idea. I mean, c'mon, all of my friends were leaving me for 2 years (I had few female friends), even the cute ones. I cried a lot, but then, one sunny day, a man who had returned from his mission entered the picture (Stephen)...would I have given him the time of day had all my friends been in town? No. Would he be who he is today without his mission. NO (at least according to his mother). This is a small example (but big in the future it led to!).

#2. Bigger example. My birth experience with Z. The only way I can describe it is to say that from 36 weeks til his 1st birthday, I was a wreck. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. My memories of that time are bitter sweet. I'm sad that I wasn't my best for his first year, but I've learned a lot. The biggest blessing that came from this trial has been that I've had more children. Huh? Yeah, OK, let me explain.

I never intended to have many children. I was thinking, ummm, one. I didn't like the idea of a big family. I wanted to work, to focus what energy I had left on my one. God knew what I didn't. The harder you have to work for something, the more important it is to you. Z. was born via emergency c-section. He was tiny. 4 lbs. 15.5 oz. Nurses joked that the weighing nurse should have put her finger on the scale to give him that 1/2 oz. I didn't find it funny. Not much was funny. I felt so cheated that I didn't get my "natural birth", my perfect birth. I was sure (where was my brain?) that everyone was out to get me.
Enter in some free time at school. I found out that despite what my doctor had said about maybe not wanting to do that again (pregnancy, I mean, plus if I did, a planned c-section, yuck!), it was possible that I could try again and not have another c-section. I had the perfect excuse to stick to one child, and I decided (in my slightly altered frame of mind, but thank God!) that I would try again! I would deliver this time! 22 months later: enter C. She's perfect, three days early, and the birth was almost natural...I "gave in" and had an epidural (that didn't take all the way, bummer) after a full day (plus some) of labor. So, my brain says, "OK, next time, we're doing this without the epidural."

I'm looking back on all this and laughing, because this really was my thought process. I wanted to have the perfect birth, I felt like I could control that. Anyhow, now I have three, and none of the births have been perfect, but to me, those kids are. I really doubt that my "normal" frame of mind before having Z. would have resulted in me having these three. I've grown up a little, and I now see that they are my life. I could in no way see this from where I was standing the day Z. was born.

#3...I couldn't decide which example to use here. It's late, I'm tired, and I promised I'd get sleep today. No more midnights.

My point is that the Lord doesn't actually desert us. In fact, he knows when it just gets SO hard that we have to blame someone. He takes it. He loves us that much. Think of the last time (if you have children) one of your (small) toddlers got hurt. Don't they always blame you? Why didn't you catch me? Even if they ran into the wall at full speed (don't laugh, they do this!), they turn around and look at you like, "Why did you do that?" God is like that. He's watching, cringing, squeezing his hands together so as not to hold us very still and keep us from doing anything stupid.